The Issue with Apologies

What's so hard about saying, "I'm sorry."

Ah, this will be difficult to write becuase I am missing a key quote. Hopefully, I can convey this clearly.

So the story goes...

I visited the Museum of Modern Art or Contemporary Art in Kyoto. Expecting to find the avant-garde of Japanese art, I was surprised by the collection of international artists. None of them stand out in my mind, but this one exhibit. Using photography and storytelling a Korean-Japanese artist displayed the events of his wedding to another Korean-Japanese. The display took up three walls, photos lined the middle of the walls with the artist's words on the bottom. So if you were to see this, you would start by the wall closest to the entrance and as you read the story unfolding you made your way along the walls.

The story was one I easily identified with because I am first generation American. The artist and his wife struggled with their Japanese identity because of tensions and history between Japan and Korea. A quick note, I just remembered, the husband is half Korean and Japanese and his wife is second generation Japanese of Korean descent. Their Japanese identities are troubling because of history. As Japan modernized and sought to surpass Western powers Japan conquered other Asian countries, Korea being one of them. Imperialism is the word and name of the game during this time and it has never left a "happy legacy."

And this is where the quote that I cannot find comes in. Apology, just a simple apology is all it takes to move forward. The artist felt that acknowledgement and a sincere apology from the Japanese people is necessary in order to fully heal and move forward from the nightmarish past.

That reminded of back home in the States. People say slavery is over; move on! Yes, let's move on, but it is the attitude towards the subject matter. Ah, how do I describe this attitude? It's almost like a defense mechanism. I feel many people just want to dismiss it, but we cannot. And it's not only slavery; it's Jim Crowe, imperialism, United States involvement in Latin American countries and the list goes on. This all weighs on the consciousness, it's the chip on one's shoulder. I just want to hear "I'm sorry." Or at least a sincere understanding of this chip that burden's my shoulder.

History is a heavy burden, because we must make sure it's horrors never happen again.

I hope this was clear. It has been on my mind since I left Kyoto and finally I have purged it from my mind.

And that is the Issue with Apologies...

Photo Series 3: Okinawa

A few words about Okinawa. Sadly, I left my travel journal at home. As I said before I'm back in Ithaca and I dare not ask my parents to send my journal.

The two big places for me where many ideas for stories, philosophies, and poetry came to mind where in Kyoto and Okinawa. Why Okinawa? Was it the intoxicating salt sea air, waking up to the sound of waves crashing on the rocks, or the rhythmic beats of the Okinawan Drum? Ah, it was combination of all that and much more.

Okinawa is another place in my memory I look back on the as place where ,I guess, I changed? Grew emotionally? Can't seem to find the right word at the moment.

There I learned forgiveness is hard, peace of mind will come with time, and real friends pinch when they try to save you. I believe for a time in Japan up until the trip of Okinawa I lost sight of what I wanted in life, my goals, my hopes and my DREAMS. The most important aspect of ME, my dreams. My dreams keep me going. Well, in short I found them while looking through my wallet. The little pieces of paper-one written by me and the other by my father-and I smiled knowing that I can still dance staring right into the dragon's eyes without fear.

Enjoy the photo series of Okinawa(沖縄)

Shuri Castle

Photo Series 2: Kamakura and Ito

Street in Ito

Tea Leaves: Ito
Squid for sale: Ito
Kamakura: Gate to shrine of war ( I forgot the name, gomenasai! Sorry!)
Kamakura: War shrine
Little cute statues on the shrine grounds in Kamakura. I think this was the shrine for fertility....
Kamakura
These statues are for babies that have died. Sad, it seems to go on for miles.
Sake Barrels near a shrine

Kamakura's Big Buddha

Photo Series 1: Kyoto, Nara, Osaka

Kyoto: Street Carriage

Silver Temple

Philsiopher's Path in Kyoto

The Great Buddha of Nara

Prayers hung near a shrine

Temple near the Great Buddha in Nara

Osaka Castle

Osaka City

Kyoto: Gion District. Geishas can be found here

Zen Temple: Kinkakuji (Golden Pavilion)

Before you enter a temple or a shrine you have to cleanse your hands. This particular fountain was outside one of the temples in Kyoto.

Inside of one of the many temples in Kyoto

Temple in Kyoto

School has started up again and I have a few more stories that I want to share about my adventures...

Coming soon within the next week:

The Issue with Apologies

Okinawa War Memorial: Do You Know How I died

The Self. The Growth of Me

Saying Goodbye

Transition and the Next Step

Race in Japan Part 2

And my story on race in Japan continues....

You and Your Asian Hottie

The number 1 problem I had with all this race madness had nothing to do with me being black in another country. There's this phrase "Yellow Fever." Oh please Jasmine, you're overreacting. No, no, no and NO! I'm standing up and putting my foot down. Ever notice when someone goes for a particular racial minority it is associated with a sickness, a disease. You've been infected by this bug blurring your vision for something "exotic." That phrase along with "Jungle Fever" bothers me and it hurt me to hear some of my guy friends use it to describe their attraction for Japanese women. It hurt me even more when they tried to justify their use of the phrase. And some of that was directed at my Japanese girlfriends. Uh huh! I'm not letting you disprect my Japanese sister like that, man.

Sometimes....

YOU NEED TO THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!!!!

What can I Learn from this White person?!

Flashback to London....

This is a big shout out to my good friend Greta. I didn't think it was possible to learn about racial issues from a white person, but while in London I found this to be totally untrue. Not only issues revolving race, but so many others. I swear getting to know Greta was like the opening of the world! Every time I talk with her I feel that the goal of the Civil Rights era has been met. I really admired that she sought to take classes on race and ethnicity to learn about something she wasn't confronted with in her hometown. I also want to thank her for the introduction and love to hip hop. Yes, you can learn from a white person.

To be a black and a traveler...

If anything, being black and travelling to these countries I have seen how far we have come as people, how much has changed (for the better) and how much MORE we still have to go. I never a had an issue with specific people about race showing me that people are less crazy than their grandparents in the 1950's. Yet, I gotta give a big ouch to those who keep greeting me by throwing a gang sign and saying "wat up." Hey man, I grew up in the rural burbs of California

Crash those stereotypes!

What I love about this whole experience was exchanging stories about being a racial minority.

"So how is America?"

"United States are awesome, but..."

Of course what came after that was my explanation of the racial climate of U.S.A.

One day during lunch I tried in Nihonglish to discuss "Black Hair." You can't discuss Black Hair without explaining race. As I tried to explain, I could see my Japanese friends faces twist into a sad contemplative state as they tried to comprehend why on Earth it would be so hard for a person to live in a country due to their skin color. Like come on! It's skin color! I could use foreigners as an example and that works, but it's the fact that many who experience this intolerance are American themselves and America is supposed to be this place of racial harmony. No place is what seems.

My friend Teka and I had the honor of talking to a class about race in America. The class did research on American Black History. Each group had a specific topic, researched and then presented. They found out things I didn't even know about. After their presentations Teka and I talked with them, more like talked to them about being Black in America. I was honest and that whole idealistic notion they had of the States crashed with every experience I told them. However, I tried to leave them with a sense of hope that conditions are getting better.

Whatever views or preconceived ideas about Black people my Japanese friends had before, I hope I changed them. No one was outwardly racist, but we must remember that even though the meaning of race changes from country to another, race has globalized.

Black woman in Japan. How was it? Not bad. Not bad at all.

Shout out to Gretaaaaaaaaaaaa

Race in Japan Part 1

Black Lady in Japan

One evening in the common room of my dorm

Me: Waah, who all these men that keep coming up to me?!?

Carr: Jasmine, you're a Black Women in Japan? You're quite rare here.

Alright y'all. You know I'm the "race" girl. Oh yes! Even in Japan I discussed racial politics. This travel abroad year has been eye opening If anything, I realized even more how race is a social construct. Many people say it, preach it, but they don't follow this very real truth. You hear "all people are equal." And then you hear FOX news. Sometimes it's people from Fox news saying that! Being in Japan reminded that the notion of race is stupid! Idiotic! Frustrating! Damn, we can just fix this shit already? Nope!

I digress...

Japan is not a racially diverse place. It's not London or New York City with their hodge of cultures. If you find something "ethnic" it has probably been "Japanified." This country is almost completely Japanese. I say" almost" because there are ethnic minorities: Koreans, Chinese, Ainu (natives of the Japan), and Okinawans. If you're a Westerner, a bit dark-you stick out. Sticking out was the least of my worries though. Honestly,before I came to Japan I read some horror stories about horrendous racism towards Black people from the Japanese. At the same time I read stories about how it actually wasn't that bad. Going to London, I didn't think about the treatment of the British because I was going to be London. It would be somewhat similar to the States. But Japan? How do they view Black or non-white minorities? How is race classified there? Is there even a race issue? Well, I experienced it for myself. It really was not bad...at all. In fact, I felt so relaxed here after eased into my daily life. I'd say I was more at ease in Japan than in London and the U.S. Dare I say it? Sometimes I wasn't aware that I'm black. WOA! Anyway, I feel that the attitude towards black people is one of curiosity especially when one goes to parts of Japan that may not be used to seeing foreigners of the dark sort.

Story!

During Golden Week in Kyoto. I left my hostel to catch the bus to the Silver Temple. As I was walking to the train station I passed by a two ladies on edege of the sidewalk. Before I passed them one lady looked up at me, did a double-take, whispered to friend and proceeded to stare at me. You know that look you get when you see something you know exists. You've seen it in picture books, maybe read about it, but never actually seen it with your own eyes. I was that subject. They heard about black people, seen them in the movies, but dammit here comes one walking their way. I wasn't offended. I just laughed and moved on.

Now you know how it feels???

The funniest part about all of this was hearing the white students talk about "standing out." My friend, who is also black, and I just looked at each other and moved on. We're used to the standing out already. This was nothing new to us. But funny aside, I hope my white friends got a taste of what it feels like to be a minority. I hope they gained some sort of understanding. They sounded frustrated the first couple of weeks in Japan and I wonder if they realize that's frustration minorities in the States have from childhood.

Food for thought?

I don't want to bomabard one post will all this "race talk." Thus ends Part 1.

The World Feels a Little Smaller.

In a conversation with my cousin, he asked me what did I learn while in Japan.

I thought about answering with "I learned so much!" I reconsidered and thought hard about the question.

My answer...

We're not that different as we make it seem.

April 10, 2010

Once again I am amazed by the extreme diversity of the world. I love walking through gardens and thinking of all the good man kind has done in the world. It's not so bad to take a stroll and pray for world peace. Keep your friends, love your enemies; make them not your enemies, save them with your love. Teach the world is different in ways, but we all strive to one common purpose, a goal and that is what makes us all human. Of course, this has been said before. I'm only repeating what many have said before me, but with everything in the world we need reminding."

- From Narita Drum Festival entry

While at the Narita Drum Festival the music flowing from the drums brought this beautiful vision of the world. I am amazed by the array of cultures. However, while many are different in their ways the goal of all them is the same. To live. Music is varied in forms but we all listen for the enjoyment it brings to our ears. Fashion can crazy or subtle, but we all need to dress. The list goes on and on. In Okinawa I learned how to play the Sanshin, Okinawan drum and dance. I was so thankful with the teachers for sharing their culture with me. I can go on and on about this and it will just end up being repetitive. The world seems huge with 14+ flights, rise in gas prices, and language barriers, but our Earth is quite small.

"There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all."

Narita Drum Festival

Learning Okinawa Dance and Drum
A man my roommates and I met after asking for directions. He and his wife invited us for tea and snacks and played his sanshin for us.
Learning the sanshin.
Glass blowing in Okinawa
Soaking our feet in an onsen in Ito

Tea Picking in Ito

On being a Forigner

Wakirimasen! Nihongo wo hanashimasen!

I don't Understand! I DON'T SPEAK Japanese!

On a cold overcast day my friend Teka and I met up to go shopping in Shibuya. We decided to meet at the Funabashi or Nishi-Funabashi station to take a line going into Tokyo. Due to some minor misunderstaning I arrived about an hour early. No biggie. Many big stations in Japan are bustling with activity. You can shop, eat, get your shoes cleaned and never leave the station. It's a beautiful underground world. Anyway, to pass the time I wandered around wishing I could sample the Japanified Western sweets and gawked at the prices of a small slice of cheesecake. I found a bookstore and instantly I'm thought that it was going to be like being in Barnes and Noble or Borders. I figured I would check out the latest manga or a new Japan bestseller. Walking through the bookstore I instantly became nauscious and overwhelmed. I became aware of my illiteracy. I watched everyone digesting the words, but I could only look, admire the art work (if there was any) and move on. Afterwards I wrote this in my journal...

April 7, 2010

"This is what it feel to be a foreigner...

Going into the bookstore, but unable to read the new language. Some characters stick out and I can pronounce the sound but as for the meaning, I don't know. This is what it feels like. I have so much more patience for those who move to a different country knowing nothing about it. This is a grounding experience. I just realized that I forgot my passport and as a foreigner in Japan I must always have it on me, like my parents who must always carry their green cards. The only thing I can do in the bookstore here is look at the characters and promise myself that I will get to that level. I will read..."

Coincidently I experienced this during the time when all that immigration madness started to happen in Arizona. Now, I'm not going to debate that issue, but America has a horrible attitude towards foreigners. Very similar to the general attitude towards immigrants in Japan. Especially where I live in California people are so ignorant about immigrants. I always hated it when people compared one immigrant family to another. "You're successful, why not them?"

WTF? Who asks that?

Being in that bookstore unable to read anything I understood why many immigrants in America become discouraged. Suddenly your in grade zero able to only say "yes", "no", "please" and "thank you." You have an accent. People giggle when you talk. Finding basic necessities becomes a nightmare because you can't read so you rely on pictures. You just feel stupid. When I went grocery shopping I was always looking at images to figure out what I was about to eat. Finding specific foods was annoying because the aisle signs were in Japanese. If I was lucky I could sound out the katakana-writing system for foreign words.

There's a cow on a carton. I found the milk!

Thank God for these displays.

Oh Lord, when I needed vitamins that was a fiasco. I didn't know the Japanese for "vitamin" and I left my phrase book at home so I had no idea how to ask for it. I wandered around all over the pharmacy looking for it till I found the supplements on the back wall. Then there was another time in Kyoto my eyelid swelled for some strange reason. I still don't know why. I found a pharmacy and asked the clerk for allergy medication but with Japanese pronunciation.

"Ahhhlegimedakashion"

The clerk looked at me confused- why is this foreigner talking crazy?. Finally, frustrated and an on the verge of becoming upset with my lack of Japanese, I snatched off my glasses, got closer to the clerk and pointed at my right eyelid. He suggested eye drops, but this was no eyeball issue. This was the eyelid! Hay fever! He took out a chart of a human body on it with different ailments in English. I pointed to hay fever and then my eye. He got the idea.

"sho sho matte kudasai." " Please wait."

He came back with a green box-all in Japanese- and asked for my money. I never took a pill. I was so scared that there might have still been some slight misunderstanding. I placed it in my bag, telling myself I would use it if my eye got any worse. I had long braids at the time so I just swooped some of my hair over my eye then proceeded to venture through Kyoto like a kawaii one eyed bandit.

See! Something so simple as allergies and finding vitamins turns into a scavenger hunt. Damn these language barriers! I have more understanding of the struggles foreigners go through trying to adjust to a different culture. I cannot say I "know how it is" for there were many things in English and many resources for English speakers if I ever felt the need to reach out. I had my English taught classes and the fact that this wasn't permanent. I was trying to start a new life in Japan. I give two huge thumbs up and a mighty OMEDETOU (Congrats) to my family for overcoming all these obstacles. I thank God for having such a strong family. I have such a deeper appreciation for them. My wish/hope is that i have at least some it running through my veins.

Anyone bashing foreigners needs to live in another country for a month or at least visit somewhere totally out of their comfort zone. You know...put yourself in someone else's shoes.

And the picture of the sign basically means to stay out of the fountain...

"Is it a feeling or a fancy?"

When I took this picture I was feeling all sorts of emotions that I thought humanly impossible to feel at the same time. Anger, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, confusion, but still happy. Allow me to give some background before I plunge into this topic. This was in Kyoto during Golden Week. Golden Week is this week long holiday; usually Japanese people take this time to travel to other parts of the country or the world.

The moment before I took this picture I remember eating some taco(octopus) on a stick while sitting under this gazebo with Japanese tourists and an overflowing trashcan to my left. Hungry and exhausted from walking throughout much of Kyoto I devoured the octopus on the stick. Then this couple walked by and I couldn't help but stare. While I still had the chance I took a couple of pictures. And the strangest feeling washed over my body. As I watched them walk away towards the gardens that mash of emotions condensed into one-contentment. It was if their love crept into the inner dwellings of my soul and soothed my frustrated mind and pained heart. Wiped the tears from my eyes and told me not to worry. At that moment I knew I would be alright. I could handle whatever pain as long as I remembered love. Now, this is no easy feat. Remembering the love within our souls takes strength to tap into it and that scares me to handle such an emotion. But remembering love is what helped me to forgive them...and myself. I prayed. God let their be everlasting. When times that they might forget, help them to remember this day. A day when so many stopped in awe because of their radiant love. Dear God, I pray for myself, that I may know a love as strong as theirs and share it with the world.

Now I don't know how the couple is doing, but I do know that God give me a wonderful gift. Rather, I realized I had it along. I have known great love and I have shared it. I have not been in love. I hope it will happen one day. I love my family and my friends. On this trip I have made some friendships where all we do is remember love. God, I pray we always remember.

I wanted to go in a different direction with this post, lay out all my frustrations and confront demons, but I will keep this short. My demons are my own to battle. After many things have happened this is all I want to say about love...

My hope for you and all my friends is that you get to know love.

All forms of love and let it be a strong force within you.

When someone hurts you, remember love. Forgive.

When you hurt, remember love. Ask for forgiveness.

No one is always good. Mistakes will be made.

But remember my friend love. Forgive

Remember love in loneliness

Know that when you are through with all the others you screwed over and they've left you. Know that I did love you. Not so alone as you thought.

Reach for my spirit. I'll feel your need. I'll be your friend once more.

Remember love in your loneliness.

Remember love in happiness.

As we pass this bottle around exchanging dreams.

Drinking each moment, letting it burn/tingle down our throats

Cry every pain from laughter

Hold me till we fall asleep

Remember love in our happiness.

I remember how our happiness made us know love.

Get to know love.

That is my hope for you.

Ah! Kawaii!!

Even the food is cute...

Walking through Shibuya 109, this gigantic 8 story building of fashion, all one seems to hear is the endless Irrasshamasen (Welcome). You walk in and their voices are high pitched, squeaky and just down right annoying. Along with that Lady Gaga, Black Eyed Peas and some other American Pop artist are on constant replay throughout the whole building. For just a few minutes you feel like you're on the runway-if you're looking sharp-then all happy warm feelings drift away with each Minnie Mouse sounding voice beckoning you into their shop. Why do they talk like this? I've met many Japanese women and their voices never sounded that high pitched. Why? It's kawaii.

It's cute.

The kawaii culture is an interesting phenomenon in Japan. Almost everything is cute! Even the cars. One day on the way to school, I passed by this little mini-van and just freaked out because it was so adorable! One thing my friends and I noticed is that here in Japan you don't have to pay extra for something a little cuter. In America, usually if you something with a bit more design and color you're gonna pay the extra dollars, but in Japan, at the hyaku en store (the dollar store) you can find many cute things without breaking your wallet. However, I must exclude umbrellas from this category. Such is life. Nothing fits nicely into one box. The whole kawaii culture to me just seems so at odds with what I first thought of Japanese culture. However, I must mention that of course not everyone dresses in a cute way and it's not all in how you dress too. It can be little possessions-Key-chains, phone charms, pins, accessories, even a rice cooker.

There's no limit.

I came to realize that the kawaii culture is more than just putting on the mask of innocence. One of my readings for my anime/manga class discussed the whole concept of kawaii in Japanese manga. It compared the kawaii girl with the kirei (beautiful) woman. Often the herione of shonen manga (girl mangas) were the cute girl and her rival the beautiful, volumptious and eloquent woman.

Think if Amanda Bynes went up against Phylicia Rashad.

As we discussed the whole notion of the kawaii, my teacher emphasized an interesting point the reading raised about cuteness. It struck such a crescendo within in me I was inspired to write about it. With the kawaii girl, people feel closer or rather more comfortable to approach her. She's silly and clusmy, but she laughs at herself. Around her there's no pressure to impress; you can be yourself. Japanese culture tends to be reserved and in modern Japan the kawaii offers that tunnel to approach someone. I know sometimes I avoided conversation with some Japanese people because I didn't know the proper way to approach them or speak to them without offending them. And I don't know if this is how Japanese people actually feel about the "kawaii" being a signal that this person is approachable. This is perspective is from a Westerners point of view. In any case, it's an interesting point.

People here wear Disney and Hello Kitty like no where else in the world. I love it, especially the Disney. I'm talking about adult men and women along with the little kids. Cute merchandise is just everywhere, but seeing at first you think it's for children. It's not. My teacher used this example of Hello Kitty wine (if Hello Kitty made wine). If Hello Kitty were to produce wine in America that wouldn't fly because Hello Kitty is mostly marketed to children. In Japan, Hello Kitty is markted mostly towards women in their 20's and teenagers. Having that Hello Kitty wine says 'you may approach me." Not like a guy hitting on a girl kind of approach, but it allows for interaction. In a society that can be very reserved, the kawaii leads to possible connections and breaks down social walls.

Kawaii desu ne!

In all honesty, I strived for the kawaii compliment while in Japan. Sorry, but I'm bringing race into this, but deal with it. As a black woman in this world, I often feel that people have this idea that black women are hard to approach because they're intimating, hard, have attitude and etc.

I don't mind being strong or independent, but hey I need some lovin' too! I need interaction just as much as the next person. It's almost as if the black woman was born with a strong gene therefore she doesn't need anyone or any help. We're such strong women we can handle their own.

After learning about the reason behind the kawaii culture, I fully embraced it with a shopping trip to Shibuya 109. I love being strong, confident, and sure of myself but, I wanted to create this pathway, and break any hesitation people, Japanese or not, might have of me on first sight. I've always been silly and ridiculous, but I definitely uped my silly a tad in Japan. Itsumo watashi wa genkidatta. I was always genki (lively, very cheery, energetic). Genki should just be my nickname.

I didn't want to be annoying, but just give out this presence that said "I'm not gonna chew you out." Now, me being a black person was not a big deal as I thought it would be ( to be discussed in a later post). In terms of fashion, I dressed down the London chic I adoptoped while in the UK and fused my California chill with the Japanese kawaii. Did it work? Look at the pictures and decided for yourself. By the end of the trip I was hearing, "Jasumine, kawaii desu ne?"

And I loved it.